


From Dusk Till Dawn Recap and Meta: 103 The Mistress

by gigglingkat



Series: FDTD Meta [3]
Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: Analysis, Character Analysis, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1599689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglingkat/pseuds/gigglingkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recap and Meta reactions to 1.03 The Mistress</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Dusk Till Dawn Recap and Meta: 103 The Mistress

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the encouragement and the kick-ass discussions!

Okay, Ramblers. Let’s get rambling…

_**“Mistress”** _

The episode starts with Seth getting punched in the face and then handed his ass.

_That’s it. That’s the show._

My work is done!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, fine, other things happen.

We meet Carlos! He comes as a visitor to Seth in prison and from Seth’s comments, it is the first time they meet. Their conversation is interjected with more asskicking and additional Richie insulting. Because this show doesn’t understand the concept of “chronological order” and because they can now go back and put things into the first meeting and make it fit.

Carlos sells El Rey to Seth who isn’t buying. But then back in the fight, head butting occurs and the resulting concussion must be why Seth asks for more information about El Rey.

In the yard, the Mountain of Asskicking tells Seth that Richie is going to get him killed. Because that’s not foreshadowing or ominous at all.

Carlos finally plays the trump card of THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH RICHIE and Seth finally listens. Or lays choking on the ground. It varies.

We return to THE DAY - the one I think the entire season actually takes place in. The Not!Metallicar pulls into the Dew Drop Inn as last episode Seth stupidly agreed to wait to cross the border. Seth goes to get a room and we then cut to Carlos.

Carlos is meeting with coyotes to get some merchandise. Apparently, the jackass he’s dealing with looked Carlos up in the Bad Guy Yellow Pages and while he found out Carlos is rich, he missed the “Thou Shalt Not Fuck Him Over” entry entirely.

Jackass tells him the price has doubled and will be paid up front. His “muscle” puts a gun to Carlos’ head.

Our boy gets the most hilariously annoyed look on his face before calmly telling Jackass that he will produce the merchandise NOW and _for free_.

Jackass laughs in his face and Carlos joins in the laughing as he smoothly breaks Muscles arm in two places, throws him to the ground and RIPS OUT HIS THROAT. Carlos turns to roar at the now sniveling Jackass when he’s interrupted by his cellphone ringing.

And I remember why Carlos is my secret fave because you can literally see the thought process: _Is that me? Did I forget to turn off… who the fuck is… Shit. Seth. Of course, the fucking needy bastard…_

He then calmly asks the still hysterical Jackass for his shirt. Because he has to wipe Muscle’s blood _off his mouth_ so he can look _his best for his Seth_. And yes, I ship that a little.

Mostly because you then have an additional layer of hilarity to the conversation that follows.

_Carlos: Baby, I’ve told you not to call me at work._

_Seth: Oh if that’s how you feel, I will never call you again!_

_Carlos: Baby, don’t be like that. What’s wrong, Baby?_

_Seth: I wanna go to Mexico, like your punk ass promised, is what’s wrong! Where are we crossing the border? Who is going to help me get my perfectly sane and rational human being of a brother to the promised land?_

_Carlos: What’s wrong with Richard?_

GigglingKat: Do NOT show me that goddamned DEAD DRIPPING DOG again! Don’t do it.

_Seth: Oh, so it’s Richard now. Are you dumping me? YOU DO NOT GET TO DUMP ME. I DUMP YOUR MEXICAN ASS. (Because I am in charge, dammit!)_

_Carlos: I’m not Mexican, Baby._

AND THEN HE HANGS UP ON SETH (WHO STARES AT THE PHONE IN DISBELIEF) AND CALMLY GOES BACK TO EATING JACKASS. I LAUGH FOR DAYS. I honestly feel that Carlos watches Hannibal as a cooking show without an ounce of irony.

Then the three of us still stubbornly trying to apply real world sociology onto this show got confused as to why Carlos doesn’t identify as Mexican if we were using Aztec - but it is resolved past the Fin.

 _Credits_.

Post Credits and _**MONICA GETS OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUNK**_. I’m so happy I don’t even care that they look like the Winchesters doing it.

Seth even finally asks for her name! Richie hears whispers but manages to ignore them and seems to snap out of the funk he’s been in for … how long has it been their time since the Ravine where all the bad things ever occur? It’s been 20? 30 min?

Whatever, Richie feels better now and it’s enough to complain that Seth calls Carlos all the time but never haggles over the commission rate. Seth sells El Rey again and I really don’t think it’s something Seth believes so much as it’s something Seth wants to believe.

It leads to a discussion of Buñuel (Spanish surrealism) vs Budd Boetticher (low budget westerns) movies because Rodriguez is just a big a film nerd as Tarantino. It’s a bit meta as Richie says El Rey where they’re going sounds surreal and Seth says where they are is a low budget western. And it is perfectly true for the story, but is also an indication of where the show is and where the brothers fall mentally themselves. We’re still in a robbery caper film, but we’re rapidly sliding towards the surreal.

Really, would you be surprised if a talking chicken showed up and started giving Richie advice?

Yeah, me neither.

Ahem. Seth is taking ALL THE GUNS and leaving to ditch and switch the car and get food. Because he promised Richie a burger if he would put down THE DRIPPING DEAD DOG last episode which should have only been like 40 minutes ago tops but Richie seems to have forgotten. Seth goes and bonds with Monica over customer service and leaves Richie to watch Woody Woodpecker cartoons.

No one involved, including the audience, feels this will end well.

Speaking of things that will not end well! Scott is driving the Winnebago. HEE. Kate comes damn near to chanting, “This is a bad idea.”

Jacob’s too stubborn to admit she’s right, though he won’t let Scott verbally abuse Kate for it. Kate tries to find out more about Jacob’s leaving the ministry and tries to comfort Jacob with what he’s used in the past to comfort her.

You don’t give up on God because God would never, ever, give up on you.

Jacob doesn’t want to hear it and frightens Kate because she has faith and it is genuinely terrifying to see something that is a tenet of your faith in the universe falter. In this instance, Jacob’s own faith.

Jacob says that he didn’t lose faith, he just needs them to come together and do some searching and to “trust in the pagan power of technology and please look up that border crossing.”

HEE.

Jacob also says that as he spent his entire adult life serving the Lord, he knows just what He is capable of. The Winnebago instantly blows a hose. I laugh and blame Dropped Jesus, The Photo.

As the menfolk are staring helplessly at the smoking engine, Kate goes to look for the toolkit. Because she still has the power of human logic. Jacob gets frantic as she goes through a bin and tells her there are no tools. He never bought tools.

Kate looks like she’s thinking what I am. You packed an entire house into a used Winnebago and you didn’t bring a wrench??? Did your house not have a garage???

They have conveniently broken down across from the Rattler - a hole in the wall bar - so Jacob orders the minors to stay in the RV while he goes to see if anyone can help.

Once inside, the loving and lingering shot of the whiskey glasses and Jacob’s meaningful pause when the barmaid asks for his order tells us that Jacob has a drinking problem. He pulls away from the bar and faces the pool tables and main seating and tells the universe in general about his broken hose.

The lack of response is resounding.

Seth is in front of a Big Kahuna Burger joint, having ditched and switched for a Chevy Camaro. Still not a 67 Chevy, but it is a Chevy so I will not mock it. He goes in and heads to the counter where an overly chirpy employee greets him. He’s distracted by Adrianne Palicki and I am distracted by several fandom things.

1\. THAT IS _**JESS**_. HI JESS!

2\. HOLY SHIT. PLEASE DO NOT END UP FLAYED TO THE CEILING AND ON FIRE. AGAIN.

BECAUSE THAT’S ACTUALLY A POSSIBILITY ON THIS SHOW.

3\. Prior to watching this show, I looked up DJ Cortana and as a result on the day I chose to watch this, I watched GI Joe: Retaliation followed immediately by episodes 1-4 of From Dusk Till Dawn. I didn’t know Adrianne was on this show and was already startled by her appearance in GI Joe. But now SHE’S SETH’S EX WIFE. AND ALL THE FANDOMS ARE COLLIDING IN MY BRAIN. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

So yeah - random GI Joe reunion at the Big Kahuna. As I stated on Tumblr, I have a headcanon that this entire series is just a mindfuck that they are enduring while captured by Cobra and Richie represents the entire Joe organization - betrayed from within and it’s why he appears crazy and that’s why they are snakes and not vampires.

Ahem. While all that goes on in my head, Vanessa - which is the character’s name - has pulled Seth into the bathroom for some got-out-of-prison sex and bemoans the fact that they “never did this when we were married” - which I think is sex in public? Specifically a public bathroom? Whatever. The line is to let us know who she is. HI VANESSA, EX OF SETH. PLEASE TO MAKE HIM TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT.

And she does because she is awesome, but we don’t get to see it because the director is an ass.

Instead we cut from Seth having sex to Richie being disturbingly good at being creepy and asking Monica to come sit with him on the bed. Monica tries to refuse but gets up and walks to the room. The actress does a fantastic job because you can tell she has a sense that she’s never leaving that room.

BBRanger Adorable! I am now just calling him Adorable. Adorable walks into the Rattler and is greeted by Jake Bussey who is a professor/archaeologist. It’s one of the weirdest things I’ve seen on the show. Adorable exposits that the Prof has been helping the Rangers in Austin with cartel killings and that he thinks one of the Geckos is the killer(s). Prof calls them a gang and Adorable huffily points out there are only two of them.

I find it adorable that Adorable won’t let people idolize bad guys.

Adorable then returns the favor by noting that the Geckos crime scenes have a tendency to contain symbols “of these crazy little gods that the cartels like to worship” and Prof earns my love by essentially saying, “Back off, Adorable, and let me explain you a THING.”

Adorable rolls his eyes and brings it back to the fact that these are KILLERS OF GOOD MEN and would Prof please help. Prof backs down and Adorable shows him Richie’s lucky knife and the eye that shows up on Richie’s vision quests.

 _Alternating POV, aka this show and it’s overlaps will drive you insane._ They are briefly interrupted by Jacob in the scene above asking for help with the hose. Adorable gets as far as “busted hose” and decides that no life is in immediate danger and _es no mi job_. “Let him call AAA.”

We get to see that despite the silence before, Jacob does find someone to help and leaves The Rattler. The main point is that Adorable is distracted and doesn’t notice how floored Prof is by the knife or how he keeps lovingly rotating it in his hand.

Prof then starts to lecture on the Great Mythology Exposition Thesis. As pure exposition goes, it’s entertaining and at this point, I was just so eager to know what they were working with I didn’t mind. The knife is a ritual knife used for sacrifices to the gods and although there’s writings, _no one has ever seen one and it shouldn’t exist_. Because that’s not foreshadowing or ominous at all.

Adorable doesn’t care, he just wants to know if it can help hunt the Geckos down. Prof points out that it narrows down who he’s dealing with, a cartel that worships “the vision serpent” - they are the Waxaklahun Ubah Khan, in common Spanish, Los Culebras (Serpents). The eye in hand, that we’ve all been seeing far too much of, is a motif goes back 3000 years and symbolizes the two most important gifts the gods can give a man: the power to see and the power to act.

I find this really important because they are _gifts the gods bequeath_ and not something held and used by the gods. This means that when Santanico gave Richie the power to see and to act, she also gave him the power to see and act _against her_ and that everything has been an elaborate seduction to ensure he never realizes this. It was at this point I began remembering about the Hero Twins and really getting excited at the realization that the people who die in the movie may not be the same as the one here. They may not die at all or at different times, different orders and for different reasons.

I like that I started thinking I was smarter than the characters and while I still know more than Seth at this point, I do not know it all. There is a core mystery at play.

Prof just notes to Adorable that one can only imagine what kind of “action” Richie’s lucky knife was used for. I notice that although Prof clearly knows it is a knife, it doesn’t open for either of them.

And fuck me, we cut from the ominous “action” comment to Richie and Monica on the hotel bed. Shit.

Monica agrees with me as Richie is still being disturbingly good at being creepy and gets up to cut her loose silently. He quickly becomes manic and paces the room before getting a sketchbook out of his bag and drawing frantically while ignoring Monica’s attempt to humanize herself to him. She asks to see what he’s drawing -

\- Mayan flavored images of sacrificed women, pieces - fetishist and dehumanized - of women being disemboweled into flowers etc. Shaken, she tells him he has a gift and he silently takes it back to draw some more.

We cut to Seth and Vanessa post colitis walk to a table where Seth tells her the plan - to take her with them to Mexico has changed.

She points out that Seth _never_ changes a plan willingly (except when Richie is being disturbingly good at being creepy) and asks what’s going on. He wants her to take four million of the bank take and run as fast as she can away from them. I really do believe he’s trying to save her life, but trying to buy her off after she was the one who helped plan the heist, case the bank for three weeks prior and just after sex?

Vanessa is not pleased with this bullshit. Oh sure, she _starts off_ pleasantly claiming to be a fat lady in Vegas - because that’s not a clue to Seth who smiles back. But soon, she tells the story about how she wondered how it felt to have everyone in a cafeteria know you were a whore and now thanks to Seth she does!!

Seth is definitely squirming and whispering, trying to get her to NOT cause the scene she is quite obviously getting ready to start. Vanessa begins to tear up and reminds him that they were supposed to be _partners_ and she had baked him a carrot cake (with real cream cheese frosting) for every five of his birthdays spent in prison. It wasn’t for the paycheck, it was for _him_. She still loves him.

Seth does actually look genuinely touched but doesn’t quite know how to respond.

Dew Drop Inn 106: Richie slices off the duct tape. Because that’s the way to get out of a scene about love and devotion. A festering wound.

This show, I swear.

At any rate, Monica is still trying desperately to humanize herself to Richie. It’s the only card she has left to play and she’s doing it brilliantly. He bets she doesn’t typically clean her son’s cuts with Patron so it’s at least being heard, even if it isn’t having the effect she would like. She smiles and says that she typically uses Neosporin on the cuts and keeps the Patron for herself. Richie actually smiles and looks like a human being for a moment. Even the mirrors agree, reflecting them looking at each other, as each other.

This will not do, of course, so Santanico pops an eyeball into the gaping bullet hole in his hand and peers around the room. The body horror gets to me. I throw a koosh ball at my screen and type the rest of this without looking.

Santanico whispers that Monica wants to be free and wants him. Richie, in what I think is an attempt to save her, yells at Monica to go sit down. She leaves but Santanico whispers some more and in the mirror Richie sees Monica perched on the bed telling him not to be afraid or nervous. She’s taking off her ring and clothes and calling herself his “little Gordita” seductively.

Apparently that approach would work, because Richie asks if she really wants him. Monica gets scared and denies saying anything but Santanico is showing him visions of Monica wrapped in a sheet begging him to set her free. Richie demands to know who Monica really is, unable to distinguish between the voices in his head. Monica denies everything, which only pisses him off.

“You think I can’t hear you inside my head, _Gordita_?”

And she’s shocked, but he’s pounced on her and has her pinned to the bed before she can truly react. He accuses her of playing games and trying to seduce him. Which is, in fact, _**exactly**_ what Santanico’s trying to do and _**EXPLOITATION AHOY!**_

Richie gets major points with me by always confirming consent with the girls he’s met along the way. He’s angered by what he perceives as manipulation, but he is not the rapist he was in the movies. _**But** _ they keep inter-cutting shots of Monica terrified to Monica seductively role playing and begging for it. They are terrorizing a woman on screen and making us sympathize with her attacker. This is not the good side of exploitation. At all. The only one Richie will ever discuss this with is another man - Seth - who will center only on Richie and what this means to Richie.

I am tired of this bullshit being fed to me and I’m sad to see it in a show I otherwise adore. Conflicted Kat is conflicted.

We cut to the Fullers, because they aren’t done making me conflicted. Last episode, I was not entirely pleased with Kate. I do not relate to her, which have more to do with my daddy issues than hers. But Scott is calling her a “byotch” - which… guys? Making it sound like slang and “not really” the word “bitch” _**does nothing to lessen how misogynistic you sound**_. Just, y’know, FYI.

Kate actually puts him in his place and points out that Jacob is obviously having problems. Mom had previously been the one to know what to say and Kate’s struggling in her absence. Scott accuses her of wanting to take Mom’s place. Kate is _not,_ anymore than guys trying to “step up” when they lose their father are trying to replace them. Kate is trying to support and protect her family because Mom isn’t there to do it. It’s not the same thing even though Scott doesn’t agree.

Meanwhile, Jacob and the Rattler Samaritan are trying to fix the hose. The RV is still steaming and the Samaritan is warning him that it’s likely a lost cause. Jacob burns himself and has a temper tantrum, beating the bumper with a wrench yelling GODDAMMIT and attracting Kate. Jacob claims they were just banging something back into place while the Samaritan suggests going inside and “cooling off” for a while.

This would have been sound advice PRIOR to letting Jacob burn himself on the still steaming RV. I’m not sure I particularly approve of Rattler Samaritan.

In the bar, Jacob is downing a whiskey and asks if Samaritan and a previously mentioned Shelby have kids (they’re working on it) and notes that he should hang onto the wife as life “is a team sport.” He drinks more.

Cut to Vanessa telling Seth that he’s not just walking out on a plan, he’s walking out on them. She tries to lure him back saying that a bar he wanted to buy in the Keys is for sale. They only want 1.5 million for it.

I live in Florida. That is a steal and Seth should listen to Vanessa and buy that place right the fuck now. Seriously. Even if they do nothing but turn around and sell it - the land would be worth at least 5 to investors depending on which Key we’re talking about.

Ahem. Sorry.

Seth at first dismisses it as a stupid dream but is genuinely emotional to hear she checked to see if it was available. DJ does a great job because you can see for one split second that he pictures it. Vanessa points out that they have more than that sitting on the table right in front of them.

He insists he can’t leave Richie and tries to explain why. Their father was an abusive drunk who enjoyed beating on Seth in particular. Richie’s cunning, which led to 36 untouchable robberies, evolved in a direct response to his attempts to keep Seth safe from their father. Dear old papa finally fell asleep with a lit cigarette one night and burned the house down. Seth had been overwhelmed by the smoke and didn’t wake up, but Richie “came in and pulled me out.”

Because that’s not foreshadowing or ominous at all. Does anyone think that’s the full story? Anyone? Nope. Didn’t think so.

I don’t care at the moment as I’m sure they’ll eventually tell us, and because we get a peek at the sweet sleeve of flame Seth has tattooed on his arm. He tells people it was because he got drunk in New Orleans (which he did) but it’s really to always remember what he owes Richie. I’m just impressed Seth is capable of remembering anything a flashback didn’t tell him about.

Vanessa understands that he feels the need to save Richie, but points out that Richie might not be capable of being saved. Seth insists for the billionth time that he just has to get Richie to El Rey and then life will be fine and dandy. Vanessa tries again, telling him about her neighbor, Patty, who is an RN at a psych hospital.

Vanessa got Richie “out of that shack” for a dinner and Patty “gave him a once over” and proclaimed him dissociative. Seth and I both get enraged at the thought of someone being tricked into a mental evaluation and Seth tells her he’s done. Seriously, I am a chronic depressive and “well meaning” people have fucked me over doing crap like this. If you think someone needs help, get them professional help in a clinical setting. Never do this. Not that I know of any RN in real life that _would_ , but just don’t even try.

Seth gets up and says Richie is NOT CRAZY. Of course not, _Richie is a perfectly sane and rational human being_. It’s a drinking rule, it must be true!

Richie is disturbingly good at being creepy while drawing and creeps out the camera so much we leave him and go to the Rattler. The Professor says that the Mistress was transformed by the Serpent God. The best part is how little Adorable cares about listening to the Great Mythology Exposition Thesis and asks “Who?”

HEE! For the record The Mistress is Santanico Pandemonium, the woman from Richie’s visions and the one whispering in his ear. She was the girl gang raped by snakes in the opener of the series.

And in the first, of what I feel will be many, instances where the Prof is politically incorrect in the most condescending, privileged asshole way possible, he assumes Adorable’s latino appearance means he knows all about it. “You gotta stop thinking like a Ranger and start thinking like one of your own.”

Adorable does _not_ shoot him which I feel shows just how focused he is on killing the Geckos. Instead, he says he’s from San Antonio in the best deadpan voice ever.

“Oh. So you know about the blood cult - the one that asks its faithful to eat the body and drink the blood of its savior.”

Dude. Did you just make a Catholic joke to the _armed and increasingly annoyed Texas Ranger?_   Your balls are screwed on tighter than I gave you credit for. Adorable _still_ does not shoot him, although he looks like it’s definitely a possibility, and asks him to get to the point.

The point is faith is something you have or do not have and the cartel cult has it in spades. At the head is The Mistress, a very powerful demigoddess, who got chased down in the opener because she was too pretty. He sent the nine lords to hunt her down, toss her in the pit, where the Serpent God consumed and transformed her into the Mistress of the night, a Harbinger of the next realm.

Adorable would like to return to the plot of THIS season now, and what that all means is that Richie’s lucky knife is _not_ used to kill for sake of killing and blood. The blood is used to pierce the veil and see to the other side.

And here we overlap with Richie still being disturbingly good at being creepy while drawing his disturbingly creepy drawings. Santanico whispers that if he looks, he can see her so Richie looks through the hole in his hand and instead of Monica tied up on the bed, he sees Santanico pouting and preening and asking him to set her free. Enraged by the manipulation of his reality, Richie pulls the revolver and cocks it.

Monica, who has been frantically attempting to get at her gag, does so in time to start pleading with him. She doesn’t understand how he knew. And then she drops the bombshell, “Gordita” is what her husband calls her, but only during sex and no one else knows.

Richie is floored because this means _it is all real. What he sees is true and verifiable from a source outside his own head._

Big Kahuna Burger. Seth is back at the overly chirpy employee being the best customer she’s had all week I’m sure. He’s got an open and relaxed smile, he’s accepting every up sell she’s throwing at him and even agrees that a hint of macadamia nut makes the Horchattas sound delicious. He’ll take two. Their consumer bliss is interrupted by Vanessa, _who is beating the shit out of Seth’s pretty new Camaro with a crowbar._

No! Not the Chevy!!!!

Seth, not unreasonably, wishes to know _**what the fuck, Vanessa?**_

Apparently, she feels that acting crazy is the only way to get Seth’s attention. She’s hurt at his rejection and claims that Seth never intended on taking her with him.

“If you love your brother so much, why don’t you go screw him?”

I laughed so hard I had to rewind to hear what Seth said in response. Oh, Vanessa, fandom is already ahead of you on that one. So far, far ahead.

Seth doesn’t understand why she can’t accept that Richie has no one but Seth and he can’t just leave. He tells her again to take the money and leave while she can. He walks away and she tries one last time to tell him they could’ve been good together, but he just points out that they were together and it wasn’t all that good.

OMG THE SETH FEELS. So they did 35 jobs and were untouchable. Seth spends five years telling people Richie stories and fighting, even when he shouldn’t, any one who says shit about his brother. His brother breaks him out, they make off with _thirty **million** dollars_ and are heading for the promised land. And then his brother is… off. And everyone says Richie’s crazy, but he’s not because no one knows Richie better than Seth. And Seth would know if his brother were crazy.

Wouldn’t he?

So he falls back on what he knows best. The Gecko brothers versus the world. Whatever might be wrong with RIchie is nothing that cannot be solved by the two of them together. Because this is the only thing prison could not take away from Seth — what it means to be the Gecko brothers.

And when he walks away from Vanessa, you can see the regret. He really did have a dream of owning his own bar and having something that was his OWN. It wouldn’t have mattered if it never made a ton of money. It would have been something he had built on his own and had made good.

He turns away from all of it because Richie needs him.

Oh, my babies. *sniff*

Back to the plot.

While the rest of the episode happened, Carlos has somehow gotten a hold of Jackass’s truck and delivers it to some women with the instructions to wrap the presents with care. He then walks into a shrine to the Mistress and uses In Media Res to tell her all about how he ate Jackass and Muscles for her. Then, he somehow got a hold of Jackass’s driver and, one assumes, told him of Jackass and Muscles’ demises and secured delivery of the merchandise. The driver refused to make eye contact, just handed over the keys. I feel that level of intelligence will serve him well in life.

Having made certain that this truck was not empty, Carlos left the previous truck with the driver with a reminder not to attempt to fuck over Carlos. The reminder is Jackass’s crucified and beheaded corpse in the back of the bay. Muscles’ decapitated body is just left at the front so it almost hits the poor Driver when he takes a peek.

Carlos tells the Mistress that “They will fear you.”

And it cuts to Richie yelling, “I am not afraid of you.”

I really hope that’s foreshadowing. Like I said, I am actively rooting for Richie to beat Santanico at her own game.

At any rate, he’s yelling at Monica, who thinks he’s doing this as some sort of judgment. She explains that her marriage has been having problems and a counselor suggested role-playing. Her husband and she acted out a cop and the high priced call girl fantasy at a motel just like the Dew Drop. All because it reminded her husband of a favorite Burt Reynolds movie.

Richie protests that he didn’t know any of that, but she insists that he did. He explains that it’s “all just noise” and that sometime “she” talks to him. He can’t tell Monica who, but he looks so relieved that Monica obviously believes him. He literally falls to his knees from it. He tells Monica that he saw her on the bed, telling what he now understands was her husband to call her Gordita.

When she validates what he’s saying was real, he tells her the movie her husband was acting out was _Sharkey’s Machine_. Monica was Rachel Ward to her husband’s Burt Reynolds. He’s looking her in the face and sees her as human again. Monica tries to keep him there with her, telling him it was like he saw the real her.

He growls that he sees to much and curls up into her lap. Monica is terrified and not sure what to do next. I honestly think that Richie doesn’t understand that _he’s the threat._ He’s fighting so hard to figure out what is real and what is not, that to Richie, Monica is now an ally. He truly believes they are on the same side, so why would she be afraid of him?

 _ **Exploitation Ahoy.**_ I love they don’t make excuses for it, and I adore what these scenes do for Richie’s character. But I hate the cost.

The Rattler. Jacob finishes off what is obviously not his first drink as Kate comes up to find out what the hell’s going on. Seriously, he yells at the RV then disappears into a bar? Kate is far more polite than I would be. Jacob, slurring his words and sloppily petting her, introduces her to the Rattler Samaritan, who has the grace to look a little embarrassed. Jacob shoos her out of the bar and says he’ll catch up. She complies, but I think it’s more that she wants to avoid a scene than any real obedience.

On her way out, she runs into the Prof who is, once again, politically incorrect in the most condescending, privileged asshole way possible, and swarms that she’s a little young to be in the Rattler. Kate banishes all previously held bad thoughts I had about her, with one simple “are you fucking kidding me” glare as she keeps walking past him.

Oh my god, Kate! I was so, so wrong about you. To prove it, she marches straight to that bin that Jacob was so squirrelly about and promptly finds an envelope.

Inside, she finds a search warrant obtained by the Bethel County sheriffs the night of the car crash. They got approval to take Jacob’s blood as there was suspicion of it being a DUI. The warrant was in relation to possible vehicular manslaughter charges against Jacob for his wife’s death. Kate is appalled and now that I love her, I just want to pet her.

Back inside, Adorable has taken over the Great Mythology Exposition Thesis and is marking on a map all the crime scenes where the vision serpent (that eye is apparently made of a snake - I don’t see it, but okay) had been left. I really feel that the Rangers in Austen should have gotten this far, but what do I know? Adorable doesn’t quite know what he expects it to show them… HEY! Where’s Richie’s lucky knife?

Prof is hilariously bad at lying, pretending not to understand what Adorable is asking for then pretending that Adorable asked him to take it back to the uni “for some…. Laboratory… tests…”

When Adorable points out that he didn’t ask him to do that, _Prof legit makes the Jedi Mind Trick hand wave_ and says, “Yeah, you did.”

I cannot describe the amount of DONE present in Adorable’s face _as he does the Jedi Mind Trick hand wave back_ and says, “No, I didn’t.”

I damn near choked on my drink the first time I saw this scene. I want this every time they need to exposition. Just make Adorable ask Prof, then let the cameras roll.

With his other hand, Adorable makes a gimme sign and Prof, with a put upon sigh, tries to wrestle for it. Adorable just glowers at him until Prof loses and then Adorable quite deliberately puts the knife away in his pocket. He asks if Prof thinks it belongs in a museum or some such, but no, Prof thinks it belongs to the lords of the night.

Adorable goes back to his mapping and asks if that’s some other gang. Prof gets all huffy and tells him that the Nine Mayan Lords of the Night occupy the First Realm, and that one of them threw Santanico into the damn serpent gang rape pit to begin with.

Adorable looks up and adorably promises, “If I find those assholes, I’ll arrest them too.”

_**How are there people who do not love Adorable? How?** _

Speaking of those assholes… nine SUVs drive from nowhere to the middle of nowhere to meet Carlos. They all stand with their leader — or at least the guy with the speaking role — nicely in the middle so we can all count and realize that, yep, there are nine of them. Leader Guy asks what’s with the cargo truck and Carlos tells him it’s a present. They swarm and are so overly polite that you can tell they hate each other’s guts.

Leader Guy …. Screw it. Narciso asks how Carlos managed presents on top of “tonight’s festivities” and jokes that he’s back to robbing banks. After all, “Pancho” always said Carlos was the best at it. Carlos just says that Pancho had good taste. The hinting not having gotten him an answer, Narciso asks why Carlos is “using those two gringos from Kansas City?”

Carlos smoothly answers that it’s because he just so busy keeping the nine lords happy, of course! Narciso obviously doesn’t buy that bullshit for even a polite moment, but Carlos pretends not to notice and instead opens the truck to reveal that the cargo is women all dolled up to be eaten. Narciso and the other lords snake out so hard it knocks us out of the scene.

Big Kahuna Burger. Seth, who is apparently contractually obligated to be a fucking moron for plot purposes, spills out bullets onto the counter looking for change. The overly chirpy employee is taken aback and looks nervously at the cop _that has appeared from literally nowhere_ standing behind Seth.

No, I’m sorry. NOPE. We were _just in the parking lot._ We saw _Seth scan the nearly empty lot when he arrived_. There are no cops there. No. Seth, the experience bank robber, does not — I don’t care how fucking stressed or hungry he is — forget _**he has fucking bullets in with his change pocket**_. What the fuck is this bullshit?

It gets worse.

The cop immediately _unholsters his firearm._ I don’t care if we _are_ in Texas. No. No, he did not. Unless they’re saying he made an immediate connection to the Geckos. No. No. NO. _NO_.

 _ **Then it gets even worse.** _ Vanessa, who was _outside_ , comes up from _inside_ with her arm fully extended with a firearm and puts it against the cop’s temple.

 _ **How?** This_ is the most supernatural thing we’ve seen on the show. And I’m counting episode seven. I mean, _**we**_ didn’t see her because she wasn’t in frame. But where the hell did she come from that the _**cop** _ didn’t see her coming a mile off?

No, fuck you, Show. I should be cheering right now and instead I’m just pissed off. She should have come up from outside _and behind the cop_ and done this exact same thing. So that’s what she does in my head.

Vanessa comes up from behind and puts a gun to the cop’s temple as he’s distracted trying to assess the situation with Seth and the overly chirpy employee. She tells Seth to skeedaddle and Seth gawks for a brief moment, because she really does love him, before grabbing the burgers and running.

Richie has backed Monica down and is laying on top of her in a forced cuddle. Monica is so still that the first time I saw this, I thought she was already dead and he was imagining her talking. It’s chilling.

He tells her that night is coming, but insists it’s not like others when she points out that it happens every day. He gets up and seems to deliberately try and use his sight. He sees her in the lingerie but the bed is a rainforest. He stares in awe at the rich soil, and realizes that his hand is whole in this magical place. Monica gets more and more terrified as he obviously checks out of reality and submits to the vision.

A snake crawls out of his hand and quickly winds its way up his arm, entering his mouth, mimicking the series opener. To Monica, this manifests as Richie gesturing and contorting his arms and then opening his mouth wide and acting like he’s choking. Richie falls to his knees and Monica uses the opportunity to grab the gun, the sound of it cocking pulling Richie out of the vision.

Richie is genuinely dismayed at what he sees as a betrayal, and the resulting little boy look it gives him almost waivers Monica’s resolve. She steels herself and pulls the trigger, but either Seth didn’t leave a bullet in it or Santanico has intervened. The gun is empty. Richie’s face turns to stone and as she frantically pulls the trigger and grows hysterical, Richie picks up a knife and turns towards her.

Oh, Monica. _Monica_.

I will rant later. Right now, Adorable has finished his art project and the crime scenes _form two perfectly straight lines on the Texas Map. And none of the squad of Texas Rangers that have been working this case for months have noticed this._

I swear, I didn’t have this many issues with this episode the first time I watched it. The actors do such a fine job selling the bullshit that you really don’t notice, but it really, really doesn’t hold up well under scrutiny.

So, yeah, Adorable has discovered the secret Mayan runway across the border to Mexico. He takes a closer look at the border and realizes there’s a checkpoint station smack in the middle and deduces that’s where the Geckos will be heading. Because Adorable is the only Texas Ranger still doing his job, apparently. He is too adorable to be as angry as I am with the rest of this episode right now, so I will let him have it.

Kate!!!! Er, I mean — _Lila_ , the very southern, very inept insurance agent Kate is pretending to be on the phone. _Snerk_. She has the sheriff’s office on the phone and in the slow, maddening pace of people trying to make you clean up their mess, she explains that she’s new and they’ve had a computer issue. (The implication I get is that Lila The New Girl flat out hit delete on the entire damn file.) Could the sheriff’s office just be a dear, and email a copy of the Fuller report, as the case is coming up, as you know.

The sheriffs are probably willing to do anything, if she’ll stop talking and let them get back to work. You go, Kate!

While she is being awesome, Jacob is being astoundingly unamazing. He and Rattler Samaritan finish up in the engine and Jacob stumbles into the driver’s seat. With nary a look or even to check on his passengers, he backs up the Winnebago, hitting Kate (who was distracted by her victory in getting the blood results.)

Scott is screaming at his dad and out of the RV before the auto steps have a chance to go check on her. There is, thankfully, no real harm done, but no one argues when Kate decides that she will be doing the driving, thank you very much.

As they all climb into the RV, Adorable and Prof are leaving too. Prof rides a crotch rocket motorcycle. Of course, he does. As he gears up, he gives Adorable one last myth to ponder. This one’s just come to him as he’s realized that Adorable mentioned the robbers were brothers. Because there’s a story from the Popul Vuh.

 _ **It’s the Hero Twins. I was right! OMG! YAY!** _ This is actually, very likely why I remember this episode much more fondly than this recap would imply I do. I was first introduced to the Hero Twins by my Spaniard-Cuban grandfather who — I swear to God — told me that there was an old myth in Mexico about how twins beat the gods at death soccer. Because Mexicans are waaaaaay too serious about their soccer.

Needless to say, my grandfather was more than a little racist as he considered himself European and these were heathen savages his ancestors had “saved.” Also needless to say, that description stuck with me because — what the fuck?

Years later, I tracked down the Popul Vuh and learned about the Hero Twins. They are, as Prof tells Adorable, two brothers who are summoned to the “place of fear” at the mouth of the Underworld. Once there, the gods attempt to kill them in a tournament, which to my grandfather’s defense, can kinda be described as death soccer. The twins go through all kinds of trials - even die at one point — but eventually triumph over the gods and become the sun and the moon. Hunahpú (the sun) and Xbalanqué (the moon) are also know as the Hunter and the Jaguar and Xbalanqué gets powers over death at one point.

_I am very excited they are going there is my point._

Prof sums it all up as, “The brothers journey to the underworld to trick the gods. They beat them at their own game.”

Do we _fin_ on that? No, of course not. That would be too hopeful for this show. Instead we go back to the Dew Drop Inn Room 106.

Seth comes in with the food and tells Richie that all their debts are paid and they’re on their way. Richie is sitting back at the table and the bedroom door is closed. Seth quickly notices that Monica is missing, and Richie merely points to the bedroom, with a serene and pleasant look, when asked. He doesn’t even stop chewing on his Kahuna Burger. Seth starts to bitch about her moving when he told her not to, but that all dies when he throws open the door and staggers into the room.

Monica is stretched out in a crucifixion metaphor, her abdomen torn apart and her eyes carved out and put into her hands.

Richie comes in behind Seth, who doesn’t even look at him before asking, “What is wrong with you?”

Richie tries to tell him that this was an epiphany and that he can see. Seth tries to keep it together and tells him that he’s going to have to explain this, as it’s nothing Seth has ever seen before, _Richard_.

Richie tells him not to “Richard” him, and the annoyance in his tone finally breaks Seth’s shock. He slams Richie against the door and tells him that he has to “stop this” and that “this” is not who Richie is. He demands that Richie says that it isn’t him.

Richie complies in a monotone, so Seth demands it again. This time, Richie sounds softer, but he says, “This is me.”

Seth can’t maintain the eye contact and stops shaking him. Gathering his breath, he starts petting Richie (I am not making that up) and asking if Richie realizes just what Seth has been through. I don’t know about Richie, but the petting and the clutching makes me think that Seth’s been through every fanfic Prison Break fandom ever wrote.

Richie just nods and does look regretful that he’s upset Seth. So Seth hugs him tight and pets him some more. I can’t even. I never, ever see Wincest in Supernatural. I don’t like the Lannisters on Game of Thrones. I have an incest squick a mile wide. But the Geckos are this weird OTP for me.

And it’s somehow more hilarious than facepalming that _this is occurring 6 feet from a mutilated corpse. **OMFG you two. Get a different room.**_

The petting works a little in that Richie hugs Seth back. Seth, meanwhile, is just repeating his mantra of _It will all be fine once we get to El Rey_. Because once there, _it’s just you and me_. Especially as this happens within minutes of Seth rejecting Vanessa, having her save him anyway and Seth still choosing Richie. Seth is just flat out refusing to accept this. It can’t be true so he accepts the hug back and still feels that this is just a problem, not his brother.

But the look over Seth’s shoulder is a clear indication that Richie is in full disturbingly good at being creepy mode.

So of course —

 _Fin_.

Except you should know by now that it’s never just the end. THIS IS THE PART WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT HAVEN’T HAPPENED YET.

So episode eight is a thing and if you haven’t seen it you should stop reading because really how much more obvious can I be that I’m going to talk about it now and spoil you?

Scott should not be allowed to drive was foreshadowing!!! THIS SHOW, I SWEAR. His rage and lack of focus almost get them killed in the RV and will likely do the same at the Twister.

So episode six and seven, Carlos interacts with Adorable and Narciso and Carlos talk about “Pancho” and that Carlos was a bank robber himself back in the day. Carlos tells Santanico that Richie will not refuse her, just like he was unable to do.

I thought Carlos might be a Tejano like Adorable? So by his current “bloodline” he’s Mayan and by his human birth, he’s Texan. But then EIGHT HAPPENS AND OMG HE’S MY GRANDFATHER. HE’S A SPANIARD!

Seth notes that Texas is “bigger than hell” and I find that funny in light of where he’s heading. Also, there’s a hint that shit went down that was worse than prison and now I wonder why Seth was being transported somewhere when Richie busted him out. Where was he being transported to and why?

 _ **Exploitation Ahoy - a subversion appears!!!!**_ OMG RICHIE. RICHIE CALLS OUT SANTANICO ON THE BULLSHIT OF MONICA. _She was a person with a family and you made me carve out her eyes._ I know it can’t be enough, but they get so much back from me for that line. A simple acknowledgment that it was bullshit and she was a person with just as much right to live as Richie. Zane even manages to make me think that, from Richie’s pov, _she had more right than he did._

There were originally three paragraphs of ranting here. But that one line negates most of it. At the moment, my only real beef with the show is that while there are _several_ male archetypes to be found. We are presented with only two female ones. And it’s not just any two - they are variations of the Madonna and the Whore. Granted, they are _awesome_ _and subversive_ variations - but really. We’re still told that we fall into one of two roles in the entire universe. You can do better than that.

Start with actually introducing more than two female characters. Not just the random scenic canon fodder. It might make filling my request easier.

Also last episode, the strong black man sacrificed himself for the virginal white woman as a means of redemption. The only thing that saves it for me is Seth’s near permanent look of - _no. Really. What the fuck is my life now?_

I don’t want to end here though. _They are making a tv series based on the Hero Twins. It is gloriously fucked up and gory!!!!!! Oh my god, European attitudes towards Mayan/Aztec culture will get you killed on this show. OMFG GIVE ME MORE._


End file.
